Sunday, February 22, 2009
Life has been very different ever since i step out of poly and ever since i have bf... I do not know what is happening to my life... i find is very insecure and confused at times... can't really make any decision on myself... really hate the life I'm having now... did anything happen to me in the past? or did i choose the wrong path again?sometimes out of no where, i would start to emo out of the sudden... it makes me feel that i am very scary...imagining that i was left i a very big box with no one there, nothings there, no windows, no window, there's only me... i feel so isolated ... for exam, i do like a lot for my course but i have no idea why when i start my practicum and go to the childcare, i will feel out of place... but maybe it's due to unfamiliar with the surrounding.. so i decided to give myself more time so that i can know people from there but guess wat.... after a 3 months in he childcare, i still feel the same... i have never feel that the teachers there had not included me in the childcare... i felt so sad and reluctant to go to childcare at times... but can i do, it's my part-time job and my part of my school curriculum...Though from outside, people might seem that i look very happy after i quited my poly but guess wat... i'm feel even more sad after i went out with my poly frienz... eaint(the only gal in my poly class) was holding another class de gal course mate, one of my poly frienz asked me how are feeling now seeing eaint holding on the other gals hand?? have you ever tot that the person that eaint should be holding onto should be you instead of he?? at that very moment, i started to stop and think about it which made feel like crying... wat if i have continue with my poly life, will it be better or it would still be the same... i really miss the time i have spent with the group of guys and eaint... it was so enjoyable and relax at times...i have no idea why am i so contradict at times and i guess no one can answer to my question as i myself does not even have the answer for myself.... how i wish life would not have so many things that happened to me and i won't be so sad anymore... why can't i stop thinking about things that had happen in the past and let my life goes on... but things had been flashing back whenever i see big group of people going out... how can i stop all these man... i really hate it...
Fire Love @5:34 PM;